What to think? What to write? What to do? I don’t know. I’m at a point where I’m feeling incredibly lost.

Hello! My name is Ryan, this is my first official blog post, and, spoiler alert:

I have no idea what I’m doing.

No idea what to think. No idea what to write. No idea what to do.

What I DO have, is an open browser with several tabs. In one tab, a YouTube video that is pumping a blessed orchestration of Zelda’s Lullaby into my ears. (I’m not crying, you’re crying!) In another tab a proverbial doorway stands before me. One that is offering me an enrollment in a $1500 course of education that could be the biggest step I’ve ever made toward a career. Finally, I have a tab open which I used to check my bank account – confirming the recent deposit of $1400 into my wallet, courtesy of the United States Government. In other words, the means to knock on that door.

For all my life I have worked jobs. Jobs, which, generally speaking, I have HATED. Sure, I’ve had great times. I’ve learned a myriad of valuable skills and I’ve made a generous number of life-long friends. But, in all honesty, I have never built anything out of it.

Interestingly enough, last year, when COVID shut us all down and dramatically changed life as we know it, I had put in my notice at the restaurant I was working at. It was my intention at the time to get out of the service industry entirely. I had applied and interviewed at several electrical companies and one real estate firm. They all wanted to hire me. But when the shutdowns were ordered, one after another I got e-mails, “Sorry, we have initiated a hiring freeze for the foreseeable future. Good luck.” I can’t say I was devastated. A bit disappointed, maybe.

Yet, I was fortunate enough to take advantage of unemployment wages and more importantly I got the unique opportunity to take time to really think about what it was that I wanted to do with my life. I took an inventory of my accumulated skills and interests. I thought about the things I enjoyed most in previous vocations and about the things I enjoyed least. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I wanted a career in wine.

In order to do that, I knew one thing above all else would take precedence: education.

Where wine is concerned, primarily, that means tasting. I needed access to wine and I needed it to be as cheap as possible. Ideally, I needed it to be free. So I figured I would start my path by applying at a liquor store with a strong emphasis on its wine program that provided access to tasting for its employees. I found a job at Total Wine & More. In the long term, I would learn this was a mistake. But that’s a story for another time. My goal was, to use it as a spring-board and to work towards studying for my Level 2 Certificate with the Court of Master Sommeliers. For the most part, I would say I have been able to gain a lot of ground toward this goal. I have learned a great deal in my time spent at Total. Mostly, by virtue of networking and connecting with other individuals far more advanced in their studies; and by talking with and listening to customers who have had more experience tasting expensive wines I could never dream of accessing.

Over all, however I have found that Total Wine is not the environment I had hoped it would be. More over, I have learned from conversations with others that there are many better opportunities out there. Places where I could taste far more. Places with programs which would support, even finance my education and certification – which Total Wine does not.

Before I had wandered onto the WSET page, I had in all honesty been looking around for other employment. There are a few options, to be sure. Some of them required certification, hence my poking around and looking into the WSET. While on the site, I began chatting with an assistant and just asking general questions like, “Online or virtual?” (Covid is soooooo fuuuuunnnnnnn…) “Do you train for blind tasting?”

“Can I test out of lower level exams?”

She provided me with a link to a test I could take to gage my level of knowledge at present and make a recommendation for the exam I should study for. I took the test and this was the result:

I couldn’t believe it. I knew, with confidence I could test out of the level 1 – after all, I’ve already earned my level 1 with the Court of Masters; but level 2!? I didn’t think for a second I would test over that. I mean, I took the test on a whim. I’m sitting here in my pajamas listening to orchestrated tracks from the Legend of Zelda and eating Cocoa Puffs for chrissake!

I told the virtual assistant about my result and she congratulated me before informing me about the possibility for one-on-one tutoring on the tasting portion of the exam. Which gave me some confidence; but I still told her, “I have a lot to think about.”

The only problem is, I have no idea what to think.

No idea what to do.

I’ve gotten the writing out of the way, and honestly what I’m thinking is that I want to do this. I really do. I know I can. I don’t know why. I worry I’m overconfident. Yet I want it and I know, I just know I can do it. So should I?

And what about my job? Should I stay at Total until I finish the 9 week course? Should I find a new job? Maybe even one that will sponsor my education? They exist. They’re out there.

What should I do?

For some reason I can’t get these words out of my head:

Proceed with CAUTION.